How to stop comparing your relationship to others

It’s okay to compare. Nothing new under the sun, as the Bible states. But when you make unjustified comparisons and contrasts between our relationship and others, problems arise.

Particularly in this day and age, when social media has made it simpler for us “to be part and parcel” of other people’s lives, the temptation to do so is extremely difficult to resist. Photos of couples cuddling, embarking on romantic dates and grand travels, and enjoying what seems to be the ideal marriage are common to see.

You might be surprised to learn that the majority of these posts are phony, or that, as is often the case in Kenya, famous couples take fully paid trips to promote specific businesses. Keep in mind, though, that these people are in the business of making people feel good about themselves.

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How to stop comparing your relationship to others

It’s common for couples to exclusively display the good aspect of their lives in public. Here’s how to cease evaluating your relationship against others:

  1. Be honest with yourself

Who doesn’t want a romantic getaway with their partner? But can your pockets allow you to comfortably do that? Can your work schedule afford you a few weeks away? Who will take care of your kids/home while you are away? Those are a few questions that you need honest answers before you insist on doing what other couple is doing.

  1. Find comfort within

It is absolutely okay and acceptable to just enjoy a simple movie at the comfort of your living room. You don’t have to go all out when it will strain you and probably break your relationship. When you look to outside relationships to define or validate your own, it can be a sign that you’re lacking confidence in your current status.

  1. People show their love in different ways
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Your BFF’s boyfriend may shower her with flowers and gifts, while the last bouquet you received from your man is somewhere deep in a landfill. But before you come to the conclusion that your friend has the better deal, think about how your guy shows his affection. Take time to learn and appreciate his love language. You might be surprised how much your man loves and adores you.

  1. Avoid the blame game

When said aloud, feelings of inferiority often sound like “Why aren’t we more like Size 8 and DJ Mo?” or “If I was with someone like him or her, everything would be great!” But these sentiments place blame on your lover without taking any responsibility for yourself, which can chip away at the positives of—and trust in—your bond.

  1. Take a break from scrolling

It never that serious. If all else fails, get off social media for a few days…or weeks. The time away will help you realize that striving to be someone else is a frustrating experience. Instead, focus on being the very best version of you and staying grounded in the here and now of your own life.

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