Like any other couple, you and your partner may experience ups and downs in your relationship, but you may also get a sense of whether or not the other person could end up becoming your lifelong partner based on your shared interests and general compatibility.
Regretfully, there are instances when, despite having a great relationship, you’re not intended to be married because of a few long-term problems you can foresee.
You can decide how long to let a relationship survive by looking at these warning indications that you shouldn’t be putting a ring on your finger for the person you’re dating.
You’re not attracted to them anymore
“If anything, common experience is that attraction goes down over time, and not up. Many of my clients have entered into marriages without attraction, thinking it will get better, and the result is sexual frustration from the beginning,” he said. If you’re losing that physical desire, marriage probably isn’t the best plan of action.
Your network hates ’em
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s often an “us against the world” mentality, where it doesn’t really matter if your friends and family don’t totally approve of your relationship, Bennett said. “However, when you get married, things get a lot more serious, and unless you are independently wealthy, you’ll likely need the support of your closest friends and family, especially if you plan on having kids,” he said. Plus, just think of how awkward those family and friend get-togethers will be, too.
It shouldn’t be that hard to have your partner want to marry you. You should be on the same page. “I have known many couples who have gotten married and it was totally driven by one partner, while the other felt dragged along,” he said. “This is a recipe for eventual disaster, because that partner’s heart really isn’t in it.” If you are driving the entire commitment process while your partner just seems to be dragged along (or is even resistant to it), it’s a bad sign for your future marriage.
You want to “fix” your partner
If you’re thinking time will allow you to change them, you’re wrong. People are people, and your partner won’t transform into someone else simply by saying “I do.” “Many people get married expecting it will change their partner. If your partner is a player before marriage, they will be after marriage. If your partner is dramatic and text fights with you all day before marriage, they will be the same after marriage,” he said. Marriage rarely “fixes” anybody, and if you want to get married and have this outcome, don’t get married, he cautioned.
If you’re looking for a fairy-tale wedding but not sold on the partner, it’s definitely a red flag. “Marriage is about committing to a person, which includes a lot of sacrifices and obligations (including legal ones). If you are more into the idea of a big wedding and wedding party with friends than actually marrying the person you’re with, then I suggest just throwing a big party and saving yourself the heartache of an eventual divorce,” Bennett said.