Most likely, you can recall at least one former partner who lingered in your life a bit too long. You’re not by yourself: According to a recent Portuguese study, there may be a cause for why we end up in toxic relationships.
The “sunk cost fallacy” is something you may recall from Economics 101. According to the theory, it becomes more difficult to walk away from something the more time and money you invest in it. You’re simply too emotionally committed to see how cutting your losses could eventually result in greater things, even though you believe you’re making a logical choice.
The researchers claim that your romantic life is also affected by this. People were more inclined to stay in a relationship even when they weren’t happy if they had already committed a significant amount of time, money, and effort into it.
Put another way, compared to similarly miserable couples with shorter timelines, no children, or smaller shared expenses, couples who had been together for a number of years, had children, or had purchased a home together were more likely to continue trudging through the agony.
The researchers also came to the conclusion that men are more likely than women to remain in a toxic relationship for these reasons.
In her couples counseling practice, New York City-based marriage and family psychotherapist Megan Close, LMFT, frequently observes situations like these. calculating time and credit card expenses rather than your personal demands “often results in extramarital affairs, excessive work, and more separate travel,” she claimed.
We’re not masochists; rather, we’re pack animals. According to Close, “we’re all wired to be together.” Breaking a long-standing friendship is difficult. Your partner’s scent and feel have grown accustomed to you, and those senses are extremely powerful.
Think about if your attempts to make the relationship better are paying off if you’re unsure whether to end it. If compromises have been made by both you and your partner and the relationship is still failing, it might be time to remove the Band-Aid.
Having a solid support network will be beneficial. Consider every facet of your existence. Is the only relationship that makes you feel this happy? The more positive things that are happening in your life—at work and with friends—the better.
It’s not simple. According to Close, “staying together is the default.” Change is difficult, disorganized, and depressing.
The first step, though, is realizing it and being able to examine your relationship objectively. Breakups and divorces are bad, of course, but what if the things that keep you together are more measurable, like the time you’ve spent together and the trips you’ve already planned? Time to leave now.
