8 women on what it’s like to get back together with a cheating ex

It can be devastating to be betrayed. It has an impact on your sense of value and self-worth, and it may be quite difficult to resist feeling guilty about it.

And what happens if the person you still love begs for your forgiveness? Is it ever a good idea to reconcile with someone you had an affair with? Women who have reconciled with an unfaithful partner describe what transpired.

1. “There was still insecurity”
“I did, twice. Neither time ended up working out… I did everything I could to try and mend our relationship, including therapy. But even a year after the cheating, I was still living every day wondering what they were doing, who they might be talking to. I was absolutely miserable. Even when things got better, there was still insecurity. It turns out that even after all of the ‘mending’, my boyfriend was still cheating (in both cases). Having been through it multiple times, I’ve realised that it’s not worth it. Trust is nearly impossible to bring back after it’s broken.”

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2. “The always end up cheating again”

“I have a couple of times. They would always act super sorry and remorseful, but they always ended up cheating again. I also never felt like I could really trust them again, and obviously, I was right to feel that way. Now I have a zero-tolerance policy, and if someone cheats on me I break up with them and go totally no contact, even if it’s difficult. They never hear from me again.”
3. “I was able to reach forgiveness”
“Honestly, in retrospect, I did it because I had low self-esteem and attachment issues, but it turned out alright. He did demonstrate his remorse and show his desire to change in actions, and I was able to reach forgiveness. We did end up dating for about another 1.5 years after that. It was fine, some good times, but we were not at all compatible and eventually, the relationship had more than run its course. The breakup didn’t have anything to do with the cheating. We’re friends now, over a decade later.”
4. “It did kind of scar me for life”
“In the past with my first love, I did. He cheated multiple times and I took him back each time because I really believed that we were in love, and that breaking up with him would mean giving up and not fighting for our relationship. I went through a lot of insecurities at that time, and I [believed] that part of it was my fault. I never trusted him. I drove myself crazy and I probably looked crazy. I think when people cheat and are forgiven, in their minds they think, ‘Oh wow, I got away with it and they still love me and didn’t dump me, I could probably do it again’. I don’t regret it at all because he was my first relationship and it taught me a lot about the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with – and what I don’t want. It did kind of scar me for life though, and I think because of it, I do tend to be a little reserved and hesitant to fall for someone again. At the end of they, don’t take a cheater back! Yes people change and grow up, but if they cheated on you, they won’t change for you.”

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5. “He used it to better himself”
“Yes, but it was 10 years after the fact when we got back together. I haven’t been given a reason to believe that he’d do it again, especially given that I know that he’d actively regretted it the whole 10 years we were apart – and that he used it to better himself as a partner to his girlfriends that came after me. Right now we’re married and have a kid.’
6. “It was an awful decision”
“He cheated on me twice more. On the one hand, it was an awful decision. I, very obviously, couldn’t trust him, and I became jealous of every single girl he even looked at, which isn’t me at all. I was absolutely miserable. On the other hand, though, it showed me that, if this ever happens again, I can be strong enough to let go, and leave the situation. It’s kind of a catch 22 situation, really. It sucks that it happened to me, but at least now, I have the experience, and I know how to handle it, should it ever happen again (and hopefully it won’t).”

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7. “It’s never the same”
“I did once to start afresh, but the ‘trust’ is so broken it’s never the same anymore; the feeling. I suggest don’t ever welcome people like this in your life… forgiving is great but stupidity isn’t.”
8. “It’s somehow better than before”
“I did. He turned out to be gay. We had two daughters before he admitted the truth to himself. The relationship is strange now – we’re married but open – yet somehow better than before. Don’t know where it will end, but our daughters are everything to both of us.”

READ ALSO:   How to build a healthy relationship

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