How to trust again after you’ve been cheated on

It stings to have been betrayed. You might be wondering, how could I have missed it? Or you anticipated it and choose to overlook it. It takes time to recover from infidelity, but I promise you that you will and that you will learn to love and trust yourself once more.

Here are five ways to learn to trust again after infidelity:

1. Allow yourself time to grieve. Your relationship died and the healing process has just begun. Try to stay with the pain. You may feel anger, hurt and guilt. The feelings can come on like waves of emotions. One day you may be alright and the next day you may feel you cannot walk out the door.

If you feel anger, hit your fists into a pillow. Have a good cry, allow yourself to feel the emotions. Try to stick to a routine and try to include exercise on a daily basis. Even a short walk outdoors breathing in fresh air can help.

2. Spend some time in silence daily. Try to pray, meditate, read an inspirational passage or deep breathe. Quiet your mind. Let your thoughts come and go, they are just thoughts. Do not to judge them. With a quiet mind, you can listen to your heart and learn to trust yourself again.

This is a great exercise to help you get in touch with your intuition: Sit quietly in a chair. Say to yourself, “The sky is blue.” Notice the feeling in your heart and body. Next say to yourself, “The sky is red.” Notice the different feeling. Practice this so you can learn to trust your inner self. By learning to trust yourself, you can learn to trust others again.

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Shot of a young businesswoman looking stressed out in an office
How to trust again after you’ve been cheated on

3. Forgive the person that committed the infidelity. This is a big one and you are probably saying, “WHAT?” Do not confuse forgiveness with forgetting. You will not forget what happened and you may choose to never see the other person again. But, for you to move on, forgiveness is the key. Without forgiveness, it is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will be affected. Without forgiveness, you will remain stuck in the past. Like the other steps, this will take time. You will know when you feel ready. It may be a month or it may be a year.

One great way to forgive is to write a letter to the person that committed the infidelity. Address the letter, or maybe a message, Dear __________________, I forgive you for ________________. It made me feel_____________. I forgive myself for _____________. Then continue writing and writing. When you have said all you need to say, sign your name and burn the letter or bury it in the ground.

This can be repeated multiple times. I have been known to do this many times. I just try not to write one when I know someone is coming over, it is hard to explain what the burning smell is!

4. Take responsibility for your own happiness. Be OK with being alone for a while. The Universe will fill the void in time and in the meantime, schedule things that make your heart sing. Try something new. It might be time for those guitar lessons, dance lessons or art classes. Find your passion and pursue it. Doing something out of your comfort zone will give you confidence.

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5. Carefully begin any new relationships. Take the time to get to know the other person. Have fun and do not feel pressured into having sex before you are ready. In fact, it would be best that there is no sex without a commitment to see each other exclusively. You need romance in this time in your life. Sex without a commitment is not romance. It is easy to find a sex partner. After infidelity, you deserve more. You deserve someone who will cherish you.

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